Ah...
So after last night, i didn't feel much better. In fact after my appointment(which went well actually), i started feeling myself get lower and lower. The loneliness, heaped upon my now bored and purposeless head gradually wore down my ability to stay aloft (emotionally speaking).
I found myself alone, without anyone to turn to, it just accelerated my descent. Sometimes, i think i spend too much time trying to help others that i forget about helping myself. I forget how to take care and support myself. I headed into a breakdown.
There i sat, in the shower, crying under the accumulated weight of loneliness, depression, stress, anxiety and fear. However, instead of fighting to stay afloat like i usually do, i pushed myself on, pushed myself to the breaking point. I finally brokedown completely, sobbing like a lost child, i cried and cried and suddenly i stopped...
And broke through.
I'm feeling better now. Alot better. I'm ready for anything.
I'm shooting for the stars. Are you coming?
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Alone again
Hello everyone,
I'm taking a quick break from the story to post an update. So today i had my Law orientation, and it was quite fun. Being the socialble guy that i am, i talked to many of my new classmates and got to know them. I'm excited because with the new mindset i've learned from the LVG agency, i'm going to make the most of Uni.
Also, had a pretty good time. I finally went to Legio, and it was fun. Played a 2 v 2 against Dann Toh(necrons) & Faris(Storm Tigers space marines) with Jo at my side with his blood angels. The game was tough, and ended up in a draw, but that being said. It was so much fun :)
But why the title?
Quite frankly, in the middle of the night, when you're alone, you start to wish for some company. Now, as much as i love my freedom and the solitude that i now enjoy due to singlehood...in times like these, i can't help but yearn for the tender affections that i once enjoyed. Even more so when i find myself attracted to someone who seems to get lovelier each time i see her. I'd like very much to break through her workaholic exterior and find the sweetheart inside her, but i have my worries that the wanderlust that is so much a part of me, will rear it's head and she would become just another cage. Meh, decisions decisions...
Ce la vie!
Sucks to know you've made an embarrassing decision which could permenantly set you in the dreaded friend zone. And thursday was such an excellent night, while i feel stupid for it, i know if i didn't i would have been beating myself up about it. So, the world turns, it's 2:25am, i've got a 10 am appointment tomorrow. Thanks for reading, Goodnight.
I'm taking a quick break from the story to post an update. So today i had my Law orientation, and it was quite fun. Being the socialble guy that i am, i talked to many of my new classmates and got to know them. I'm excited because with the new mindset i've learned from the LVG agency, i'm going to make the most of Uni.
Also, had a pretty good time. I finally went to Legio, and it was fun. Played a 2 v 2 against Dann Toh(necrons) & Faris(Storm Tigers space marines) with Jo at my side with his blood angels. The game was tough, and ended up in a draw, but that being said. It was so much fun :)
But why the title?
Quite frankly, in the middle of the night, when you're alone, you start to wish for some company. Now, as much as i love my freedom and the solitude that i now enjoy due to singlehood...in times like these, i can't help but yearn for the tender affections that i once enjoyed. Even more so when i find myself attracted to someone who seems to get lovelier each time i see her. I'd like very much to break through her workaholic exterior and find the sweetheart inside her, but i have my worries that the wanderlust that is so much a part of me, will rear it's head and she would become just another cage. Meh, decisions decisions...
Ce la vie!
Sucks to know you've made an embarrassing decision which could permenantly set you in the dreaded friend zone. And thursday was such an excellent night, while i feel stupid for it, i know if i didn't i would have been beating myself up about it. So, the world turns, it's 2:25am, i've got a 10 am appointment tomorrow. Thanks for reading, Goodnight.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Raxaferhan Nights: The Second Night
Stepping onto the jetty, i took a deep breath and surveyed my surroundings. In the falling twilight, the port-city seemed to shimmer like so many jewels reflecting the moonlight. Lamps lit the streets of a city that looked like a staircase. The rooftops of buildings ascended as the city radiated from the main harbour...The city has changed since the last time i was here, more then a decade ago. Back then i was still a boy, my father took me here to show me the western empire and founded the western branch or The Tedari. The Tedari was put under the command of Azurik, an assassin of moderate talent, but a leader of great quality with his heart in the right place. It was time for me to do something very important...Have some tea...
After wandering the city for an hour more, i finally found a suitable tavern. A rundown shophouse lot that was against the western city wall, if it weren't for the sounds of drunken revelry within and the sign outside which read "The Flabby Flagon", i would have thought it empty. As i approached the door, my nose was assailed by the strong stench of liquor. Fighting the urge to spit, i pushed the door open and surveyed the room. As I seated myself at an empty chess table in the far corner of the room, a stocky waitress with far too much make-up approached my table. "Jessine Tea, in a clean cup" i ordered my drink and leaned back with my hood shadowing my face. The dim room was filled with workers downing all manner of liquor while the courtesans went about their business getting more money from the drunken patrons. My tea was placed on the table in front of me, reaching out, i took several sips before a man sat down across from me.
"Jessine Tea, an interesting choice in this day and age" spoke the older man before me. Wearing a simple green cloak over his tunic, the lanky man had streaks of white in his trimmed beard.
"Jessine Tea dances in mind, like..." i replied
"the snake that dances with the sun" he finished the coded greeting Welcome Brother, you are amongst friends.
"Do you play?" he asked pointing at the chess table between us
"Of course, but it's so rare these days to find someone who does." i replied as i pulled out the pieces and set them on the board.
We began to play, as the guest, I made my first move...
"The Raven's Gambit" he remarked looking quite puzzled, we continued playing in silence, and as the game progressed, his look of puzzlement changed several times over the course of our conversation. The moves we made would be our words. The prize? The winner's truth must be accepted by the loser.
Shikaze: I am the Lord Raven, bow before me and take me to your Regent.
The Older Man: I am your master, not the other way around. I am the master of the Tedari.
Shikaze: You are mistaken, you are a Gregori, a handler, nothing more nothing less. You will take me to the Regent.
"Checkmate" i said at the end of the game. He now looked at me with a look of awe.
"My name is Jeaohn, as you requested, i will take you to the guildhall." He replied helping me pack the pieces into the small sack. "Excellent, now would be a good time Jeaohn."
Leading me into the Keg-lined storage basement of the tavern, he tapped the 5th keg twice paused for 5 seconds and tapped it one more time. I heard a barely audible "clicking sound" and the face of the keg opened up revealing a dark passageway. As we walked in, the keg closed behind us, Jeaohn pulled out a small ball that contained a liquid that emitted a greenish-blue light, this lit the passageway.
"My Lord, could it be?" Jeaohn asked
"hmm?"
"That you are the Lord Raven?"
"I am, how long has it been since you've played with another member?"
"It has been approximately 6 months my lord, why do you ask?"
"Because it puzzles me how you could have forgotten the codes of the game. I won the game, you must now accept my truth."
"Forgive me my lord, it was surprising...considering how young you look..." he stammered out. At this i looked him in the eye, and he held my gaze for all of a second before looking away uneasily. I lifted my hand up slowly, pointing at him and patted him on the shoulder before laughing. He let out a nervous laugh before sighing with relief
"Relax Jeaohn, i wouldn't harm you without good reason...but question my truth again and i will have good reason."
"As you requested, i will take you to see the regent."
We continued on, for a few more minutes exchanging jokes and stories until we reached a dead end. Pressing another hidden button on the left wall, the dead end began to rotate on it's centre, allowing us to pass through into the entrance of the guildhall. It had changed quite a bit since the last time i was here, now instead of magical glow balls, they had larger versions of the smaller chemical sphere lighting the halls. Now, they had many more mechanical systems like a lift.
As we passed by the other Tedari, i noticed that many of them carried devices that looked quite like firebreathers. I asked Jeaohn what those were. "Those are called guns, through the use of chemical powders, we can shoot metal bullets at extremely high speeds. Punching through metal plate, wood and flesh, they are deadly weapons. All at the twitch of a finger. With it, anyone can defend themselves with minimal training, just point and fire." So they were similar to firebreathers, but unlike firebreathers, these could penetrate armour and could be used by anyone without knowledge of magic. I've got to get myself one of those.
Before long we reached the doorway to the regent's quarters. It was guarded by two guards who upon realizing my presence allowed us in. The room inside was lavish, with all manner of drapery and paintings hanging over the walls. Where i expected to hear the voice of Azurik, i heard instead a different voice. "Welcome Lord Raven, welcome to our abode" boomed a voice from the smiling face of a bulky man. He wore a robe of deep purple, at his waist was sheathed two swords, one being his own, the other being Azurik's. The most notable feature was the talon shaped tattoo over his left eye. "I am Griphan, the Regent of the Tedari."
~End of Chapter 2~
After wandering the city for an hour more, i finally found a suitable tavern. A rundown shophouse lot that was against the western city wall, if it weren't for the sounds of drunken revelry within and the sign outside which read "The Flabby Flagon", i would have thought it empty. As i approached the door, my nose was assailed by the strong stench of liquor. Fighting the urge to spit, i pushed the door open and surveyed the room. As I seated myself at an empty chess table in the far corner of the room, a stocky waitress with far too much make-up approached my table. "Jessine Tea, in a clean cup" i ordered my drink and leaned back with my hood shadowing my face. The dim room was filled with workers downing all manner of liquor while the courtesans went about their business getting more money from the drunken patrons. My tea was placed on the table in front of me, reaching out, i took several sips before a man sat down across from me.
"Jessine Tea, an interesting choice in this day and age" spoke the older man before me. Wearing a simple green cloak over his tunic, the lanky man had streaks of white in his trimmed beard.
"Jessine Tea dances in mind, like..." i replied
"the snake that dances with the sun" he finished the coded greeting Welcome Brother, you are amongst friends.
"Do you play?" he asked pointing at the chess table between us
"Of course, but it's so rare these days to find someone who does." i replied as i pulled out the pieces and set them on the board.
We began to play, as the guest, I made my first move...
"The Raven's Gambit" he remarked looking quite puzzled, we continued playing in silence, and as the game progressed, his look of puzzlement changed several times over the course of our conversation. The moves we made would be our words. The prize? The winner's truth must be accepted by the loser.
Shikaze: I am the Lord Raven, bow before me and take me to your Regent.
The Older Man: I am your master, not the other way around. I am the master of the Tedari.
Shikaze: You are mistaken, you are a Gregori, a handler, nothing more nothing less. You will take me to the Regent.
"Checkmate" i said at the end of the game. He now looked at me with a look of awe.
"My name is Jeaohn, as you requested, i will take you to the guildhall." He replied helping me pack the pieces into the small sack. "Excellent, now would be a good time Jeaohn."
Leading me into the Keg-lined storage basement of the tavern, he tapped the 5th keg twice paused for 5 seconds and tapped it one more time. I heard a barely audible "clicking sound" and the face of the keg opened up revealing a dark passageway. As we walked in, the keg closed behind us, Jeaohn pulled out a small ball that contained a liquid that emitted a greenish-blue light, this lit the passageway.
"My Lord, could it be?" Jeaohn asked
"hmm?"
"That you are the Lord Raven?"
"I am, how long has it been since you've played with another member?"
"It has been approximately 6 months my lord, why do you ask?"
"Because it puzzles me how you could have forgotten the codes of the game. I won the game, you must now accept my truth."
"Forgive me my lord, it was surprising...considering how young you look..." he stammered out. At this i looked him in the eye, and he held my gaze for all of a second before looking away uneasily. I lifted my hand up slowly, pointing at him and patted him on the shoulder before laughing. He let out a nervous laugh before sighing with relief
"Relax Jeaohn, i wouldn't harm you without good reason...but question my truth again and i will have good reason."
"As you requested, i will take you to see the regent."
We continued on, for a few more minutes exchanging jokes and stories until we reached a dead end. Pressing another hidden button on the left wall, the dead end began to rotate on it's centre, allowing us to pass through into the entrance of the guildhall. It had changed quite a bit since the last time i was here, now instead of magical glow balls, they had larger versions of the smaller chemical sphere lighting the halls. Now, they had many more mechanical systems like a lift.
As we passed by the other Tedari, i noticed that many of them carried devices that looked quite like firebreathers. I asked Jeaohn what those were. "Those are called guns, through the use of chemical powders, we can shoot metal bullets at extremely high speeds. Punching through metal plate, wood and flesh, they are deadly weapons. All at the twitch of a finger. With it, anyone can defend themselves with minimal training, just point and fire." So they were similar to firebreathers, but unlike firebreathers, these could penetrate armour and could be used by anyone without knowledge of magic. I've got to get myself one of those.
Before long we reached the doorway to the regent's quarters. It was guarded by two guards who upon realizing my presence allowed us in. The room inside was lavish, with all manner of drapery and paintings hanging over the walls. Where i expected to hear the voice of Azurik, i heard instead a different voice. "Welcome Lord Raven, welcome to our abode" boomed a voice from the smiling face of a bulky man. He wore a robe of deep purple, at his waist was sheathed two swords, one being his own, the other being Azurik's. The most notable feature was the talon shaped tattoo over his left eye. "I am Griphan, the Regent of the Tedari."
~End of Chapter 2~
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